Get a space shuttle, and atomic bomb, and a mime from the drug dealer in Moe’s barbershop. Fly to El Paso and talk to Donkey Kong. Trade him the space shuttle and the mime for the bazooka my 3rd grade art teacher used to shoot dinosaurs in the femur. Then walk down to Avenue X and talk to James Bond. He will end up giving you Chuck Norris’s address. The wind will carry you to New York. Take the stairs to the top of the Empire State Building. You now see Jackie Chan. You two must jump off the building while singing the theme song to Mission Impossible. You will land safely on Britney Spears’s legs. Summersault away as she will now randomly self-combust. Jesus will crawl out of her stomach and will grant you one wish. Ask for him to buy you a Taco Bell combo. Once teleported to Taco Bell, Barney will try to hypnotize you into singing and dancing the Macarena. Shove the atomic bomb down his throat and run back home to see the report on NBC. Throw yourself out the second story window. This will give you invisibility to out run the cops.
One Life Up
Sneak into the White house at 2:54 am. Go to the Oval office and wake up King Arthur. Give him a rubber mallet and he will summon Johnny Cash to bring you a pair of stylish blue jeans and a box of broken crayons. Oprah’s disembodied head will rush through the door followed by thousands of rabid ninja wolverines. King Arthur and Johnny Cash will commence to do the ho-down while you stab a hole in the wall big enough to climb through. Open the door and go down the hall while trying to evade a deadly mass of SasuNaru fan girls. Punch a 5 yr old in the face 63 ½ times. They will drop a pack of hot pink eyeliner. Run to the nearest women’s bathroom and trade Green day the eyeliner for ONE LIFE UP!